Jokes-o-matic^.com

A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like bronze statue of a rat. He asks the salesmen, "How much?" The salesman replied, "12 bucks for the rat and 100 bucks for the story." The touris…

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard. After a few miles, he asks the driver what the monkey is for. The driver says "I'll show you," and wi…

What do you call a monkey lost in a desert? Scewed

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car breaks down. He remembers seeing a gas station near by, so he decides tp push his car. The man finally gets to the gas station and has the car fixed. Ti…

Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind. The two brunettes decide to…

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running and get back here!" yelled the bear. "Never!" shouted the rabbit. As the rabbit was running he tripped on a lamp. His soft furry foot brushed the…

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman. The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now." Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again. The policeman stops the guy and …

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat''s Dem". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help. "Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere …

A bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "I'll have a pint of beer and a ............................................................... packet of peanuts." The bar tender said, "Why the

Q: A man rides in on Friday, stays two nights three days and then leaves on Friday. How is that possible? A: His horse was named Friday.