Jokes-o-matic^.com

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking. 4. Your doct…

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it…

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?" "No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The barten…

Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a loser.Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same bor…

    A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sit…

    Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole.  He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, quite inebriated, around midnight each night.     He u…

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Jim stops him and asks, �Hey Frank! Whacha get the case of beer for?� �I got it for my wife, eh.� answer…

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, "Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!"

A dyslexic walks into a bra...

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, crin…