Barroom jokes
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A stoner stumbles out of a party...
A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.
The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!"
The stoner …
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Rubber Bar
Two condoms are walking down a street in San Francisco and pass a bar. One condom nudges the other condom and asks, "Hey, want to go get shit-faced?"
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Limey Penguin
A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich and a pint! The bartender is astounded by this talking flightless bird and asks about his life. The penguin goes on to explain that he is working at …
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Taking the Bullet
Two guys are drinking together, when one of them throws up all over himself. "Christ!" he says, "My wife ish going to kill me."
His friend puts his arm around his shoulder and offers him 20 dollars.…
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Sexy Timepiece
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch."
Thanks, says the guy, "I…
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Redneck Communion
You might be a redneck if your congregation uses shot glasses for communion.
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The Irishman's Wish
An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. …
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Having a Beer With Your Brothers
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down, and re…
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Libraries Are Sexy
You got any overdue library books? 'Cause you got fine written all over you!
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Fall-Down Drunk
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tr…