Jokes-o-matic^.com

A kid walks into a lunchroom at school and sees a fly on the table. He swats it and leaves. Abother kid walks in, sees the dead fly and says, �Hey, cool, wings.� So he pulls off the wings and le…

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to him mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was i…

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at hom…

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country: 1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute hi…

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn''t be late for church. As she ran she kept praying, �Dear God, please son''t let me be late to church. Please don''t le…

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don't eat broccoli!

A 6'4'' ninth grader was acting up in class. His teacher looked at him and said, ''Act your age, not your shoe size''. The boy looks down at his size 14 shoes, then says, ''But they're the same.'

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. "May I speak to your parents?" "They're busy." "Oh. Is anybody else there?" "The police." "Can I speak to them?" "They're busy." "Oh. Is anyb…

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, �I know the whole truth� -- even when yo…

Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10 When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don't answer him. - Michael, 14 Never tell your mom her diet's not worki…