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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk, of course;

How are lawyers like whores? They both get paid to screw people.

How do you get a lawyer down from a tree? Cut the rope.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer's buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.

A snake and a lawyer both got hit by a car. What's the difference between em? The snake had skid marks in front of him.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house? A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.